This sweet sparkly-eyed princess will have her second and final (hopefully) surgery to repair her cleft lip in the morning.
When I was pregnant with her I often questioned how I could possibly love another human being like I did her big brother. Before him, I never knew I could experience a feeling like I have…. with both of them. I love them the same but I love them so differently… Barrett and I have a very special relationship… and when he bats those pretty blue eyes at me it’s really hard for me to say no. But, as a baby, Barrett was content if he could see me. He was pretty independent as long as I was near. Hudsyn – not so much! She needs me. She needs me to hold and snuggle her every minute. She crinkles up her sweet little nose and ducks her head – looking up at me with her sparkly blue eyes and reminds me that she is tiny and she needs me. She is fragile, ornery, stubborn, sweet, and tough. She is so strong but she still needs me. And as frustrating as that can be at times, I’m so glad she needs me. I’m so glad I am able to comfort her; and, the smile that flashes across her face when she spots me absolutely melts my heart.
When Hudsyn had her first surgery, she was around 2 1/2 months old and I was still experiencing some post-partum issues… although I didn’t realize it at the time. I thought I was really tough and stayed strong for my baby…. but, looking back I was just disconnected – going through the motions. This time, however, I’m feeling very connected and am really struggling… When I expressed these feelings/concerns/fears, one of my best friends told me “Bailey, one thing we know is that she is in God’s hands. She is strong and she is a fighter.” I needed those words and am so thankful for sweet friends who lift me up when I am down.
I am so excited to have one more step in this journey complete, and I can’t wait to see what Dr. Smith and his team accomplish tomorrow; but, I am also very nervous about the recovery over the next few weeks. She will have nasal stents again to help shape her nose and will have to wear arm immobilizers to make sure she doesn’t irritate or mess up the stitches. She was young enough at the time of her first surgery that she didn’t really care about her arms being immobilized; but, I have a feeling she is not going to appreciate it this time. She recently discovered her toes and she loves to play with them. She is also trying to get a tooth so she really likes to chew on her fingers. Obviously, she won’t be able to do either for a while, so she is not going to be a happy camper most likely. She also won’t be able to have her pacifier or drink from a bottle for 3 days. Lastly, she will not be able to pull her favorite leopard blanket up over her face to go to sleep. I am so afraid that I will not be able to comfort her after surgery. All of the things I am usually able to use to do so are no-nos for at least a few days. 🙁
On top of that… Barrett tested positive for Flu and RSV yesterday… so we’ve had to keep
him and Hudsyn apart as much as possible… which is not easy when you have a son who loves his baby sis like Barrett does.
I know Hudsyn and the entire situation are in God’s hands. So many people are praying for and thinking about her/us and we appreciate every single one! But even knowing that doesn’t stop the worrying or the anxiety. If you have a spare minute any time during the next couple of days, please say a little prayer for this sweet baby.
