Although today is world mental health day, mental health is important every day! Mental health problems can affect people any day, any time, any where. So many people are ashamed to admit when they are struggling. So many people are scared to ask for help. So many people are afraid of looking weak or vulnerable. But we are all human and we all deserve to feel comfortable reaching out for the help we need and deserve.
I have dealt with anxiety most of my life. I didn’t know what it was at the time, but I was most definitely an anxiety ridden child. I enjoyed little because I lived in fear. Fear of what might (but probably wouldn’t) happen. I constantly thought everyone was mad at me and was often afraid to speak for for of saying the wrong thing. I had no idea that other people didn’t feel the things I did. I had no idea I didn’t have to feel that way.
As I got older, my anxiety got worse and I started having panic attacks that physically manifested in different ways. I was unable to deal – with life, with sadness, with things that were out of my control. I truly felt hopeless. I didn’t have the coping skills to work through my feelings and keep going.
Along this path of anxiety, sadness, and hopelessness, I started going to therapy. And by going – I mean exactly that! I did not participate, I did not talk, and I sure did not share my thoughts or feelings. However, after a few hour long sessions of crying, I began to open up. And now – that same therapist is one of my safe spots! She is no longer in the area – but because of the wonderful person she is – she is still there for me when I truly need her. Looking back – I honestly don’t know where I would be without her!
I struggled throughout Jr. High and High School with both anxiety and depression. My anxiety made me want to please everyone but my depression made me not want to do what it took to do so. My anxiety made me want to get straight As for fear of what my parents would think if I didn’t, but my depression made it hard to complete any of the work required to make that happen.
Years later when I had my babies, I struggled with Post Partum Depression. I had difficulty connecting with the tiny humans who had grown inside my body and I felt guilty about it. In all honesty – I didn’t think I wanted them. I had been so excited to see their sweet tiny faces and hold and snuggle them both times I was pregnant. But when that was finally possible – I couldn’t cope with the huge changes happening in my life.
And although I have an absolutely wonderful life that I am so undeserving of, I have continued to have to deal with sadness, anxiety, depression, death, and change just like everyone else.
One thing I have definitively determined is that I do not deal well with change. NOT. A. FAN. I like routine and knowing what to expect. So, I have had to learn how to deal with situations that are out of my control. Through therapy, talking with friends, reading, and lots of time with myself – I have developed the skills to do so. I often forget to use them – but I have them nevertheless!
I know I am not alone – and if you struggle with any type of mental health issue – neither are you! In honor of “Mental Health Awareness Day” I want you to know that you are not alone! Reach out to someone you trust! Life throws curve balls but you have got to take care of yourself! Never be afraid to take care of YOU!!